Burning Man 2007 Page 16
From crispyneurons
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[edit] Sunday
An hour or two later, we woke up from the heat. We were completely shot: dehydrated, exhausted from back-to-back all-nighters, hung over. And we had a lot of work to do. Strike our camp, pack it into Logos, hitch the diesel generator, check out of RLD and drive to Tahoe.
Bit by bit, with food and a lot of water and coffee, we came to life. Heather really was in bad shape so I did most of the heavy work, and she focused on packing bins and picking things up.
I got the van packed by 2pm. It didn't take us long to get the genny hitched, although as I watched from the outside, there was a close encounter between a rebar stake and the front right tire. Fortunately, there was no hole, and the tread didn't look damaged, so we'd probably be good to Tahoe.
We checked out of RLD, said our goodbyes, and drove off to Exodus.
While packing up and dropping off burnables at the 4:30 burn bin, I found MOOP on the road: a CD, actually. So I popped it in and listened to it in Exodus. And it was the perfect mood. I love that kind of serendipity, and it happens all the time on the playa.
Exodus took about 3 1/2 hours. Another 3 1/2 hours from Gerlach to the gas station at the south end of the 447. There I changed from my filthy utilikilt into relatively clean street clothes. I was close to nodding off, and Heather took over driving. The gas station looked like it had been looted. No gas left at any pump, shelves virtually empty.
And off we went, back on the 80, off to the Tahoe Afterburn. But that's another story.
[edit] Conclusion
All in all, it was a troubled burn. I do not know where I end and where what is outside of me begins, but it all seemed so complex and troubled to me, and so it seemed to virtually everyone I spoke to. Don't get me wrong... there was a lot of fun, and making new friends and getting closer to old ones through shared experiences is a great thing. But it is no longer an experience of learning and expansion to me.
I miss the way it felt at my first burn--everything was exciting and new, that anything was possible, that I could never ever guess what my experiences would be like from one moment to the next, that my imagination was so tiny compared to what I actually saw with my eyes, that I somehow discovered new dimensions of possibility within myself, that I really could, over time and with great effort, erase all imaginable limits to my existence... and that I could share these experience with those I loved.
That dream is inert now, frozen or dead. I've fallen to earth but I don't know why. Have I finally graduated? Or has the experience become flatter and more formulaic for everyone over the years? I can't tell. My feeling is to not ever come back, at least not until I feel it can be how it once was. I doubt that's possible, and it's a sad feeling.
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